When Love Feels Conditional

But isn’t it? Don’t boundaries create conditions? Do not conditions have a natural way of creating boundaries?

It seems to me that boundaries are about safety but also integrity. Not necessarily both at the same time. Furthermore, boundaries seem to be related to trust, in some way. I would say my boundaries are the limits of my trust. My boundaries ask the question: “How willing am I to go here or there… to do this or that? How willing am I to trust you with this or that?”

My boundaries expand and contract depending on variables which I would say are unknown until I stare them in the face. In this way, I may appear to be inconsistent but I am not static. I am not perfect; Neither are the circumstances.

Condition– a premise upon which the fulfillment of an agreement depends: stipulation.

  • something essential to the appearance or occurrence of something else: prerequisite.
  • a restricting or modifying factor

Boundary– something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

Boundaries are about limits. Boundaries are to keep something in or out. Conditions are about stipulation, the prerequisite. Both have control at their core. It seems to me that my conditions and boundaries are for my own safety but, I can see how without them I may be an unsafe presence for myself and, therefore, those around me.

How do we know the difference between wisdom and fear? Are my boundaries fear-based or are they an expression of wisdom? Are my conditions the result of fear or that of wisdom? It is true that sometimes I have had to reach a place of wisdom only through a fearful experience. In that case, wisdom only becomes part of me once I conquer the fear.

Someone once said, “The only harder thing than building trust is rebuilding trust that’s been lost.”

Since we create boundaries and conditions, we must have lost trust in one way or another. So, if I’m being honest with myself, the boundaries and conditions are to reestablish the conditions by which I would be able to function in what I consider to be a safe situation. So, is trust really trust or is it just your adherence to my boundaries and conditions? Is love your adherence to my boundaries and conditions and my willingness to also live by yours?

Love, by nature, has conditions and boundaries. We can only love within those confines. Honestly, is love EVER unconditional? To me, it appears to be an agreement. A contract of sorts or best wishes.

I want to be more mature at and in love because I don’t feel like I know much about it.

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